I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
