A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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