How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
