My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
