How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There r osticjed everywhere
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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