ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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