Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
