Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
