3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
