i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
