i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
