VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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