Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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