All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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