As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
