My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday