I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.