Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.