I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?