Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had