I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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