She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
