Can i not drive my cunt home
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
