So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
