You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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