Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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