this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
