Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
