Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My hand turned me down
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
