Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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