I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
