he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
