I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
