I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
