So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
