I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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