Is it because I queefed?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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