i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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