Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
