shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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