My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize