He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
