so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
