some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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