Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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