I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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