you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
