As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
