Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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