Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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