he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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