We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
