Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
