She announced her abortion via fbk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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