wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
