Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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