No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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