so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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