she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
