I have demons in me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
