what day is it and did you see me today?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
