I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
