Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
