New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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