I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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