had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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