I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
