woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
