Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
