two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
