she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
