he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i came on her dog
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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