PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
