So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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