Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
