and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
