3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
