He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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